Kate Upton and Ryan Gosling: Equestrian Superheroes

Before I get back to Avenir and Maree, I need to get one thing straight: Equestrian Ryan Gosling and Bob the Equestrian are not the same person. The confusion is understandable, given the striking resemblance and the fact that the word “equestrian” appears near both of our names on the Internet.

But here, let’s clear this up now.  If you study these photos carefully enough you’ll note subtle differences in our appearance:

Not Bob the Equestrian

Not Equestrian Ryan Gosling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, according to my research, Ryan Gosling is not an equestrian per se.  As I understand it, Mr. Gosling is an actor with roots in the Disney world.  And he appears to have a rather rabid following. His last movie is about driving a car.

The equestrian part comes from a blog called Equestrian Ryan Gosling. Here, Gosling is featured in assorted poses accompanied by the words “Hey Girl” followed by various suggestions, promises, observations, wishes and wants all with equestrian related associations.

The “Hey Girl” concept is derived from other blogs featuring the same idea, but not equestrian.  I derived it from Amy Vodraska’s blog and she got it from (  ) I didn’t check to see how far this goes because the Internet is too big.

Clearly, Gosling’s fans enjoy viewing photos of him on their computer monitors. The “Hey Girl” phenomenon is driven by genuine carnal appreciation laced with a gentle brand of feminist parody.  It works because the lizard part of the human brain picks up on the visual images and allows viewers to experience the illusion that the subject in the photo is actually looking directly back at them.

I’m not exactly sure of the origins of the “Hey, Girl” greeting, but I vaguely recall something about some song with the lyrics “hey girl” followed by suggestions/comments/observations/promises/wants & wishes directed, of course, toward “The Girl”.  I believe it was performed by some heartthrob, boy-band type – a Justin Bieber/Timberlake/Trent Reznor sort of thing. Although, no need to get any closer to that last reference.

Or perhaps it was Gosling himself. Now, that would make sense.

Anyway, for a 24-hour period this week, I was under the impression that Ryan Gosling was an actual equestrian celebrity in the Anna Kournikova mold. I mulled over how I might – at least in my mind – bring this giant down a notch or two through the use of sarcastic wit and withering satire.  Of course, this never actually solves anything, but it can be temporarily satisfying.

Then I began to notice something: none of the photos on Equestrian Ryan Gosling actually had him on a horse or in any kind of equestrian gear.  In fact, further research revealed that other than the blog Equestrian Ryan Gosling, there is no mention of this guy being associated with any sort of horseback riding whatsoever.  And I would have been punching at plain thin air. But for a short time, I considered him a significant rival and near twin. This equestrian super hero was just getting way too much attention.

Now let’s contrast the Gosling phenomenon with that of Kate Upton. Ms. Upton is an actual equestrian. She showed for the American Paint Horse Association – at the national level.  Kate won three APHA Reserve World Championships on her horse, Roanie Pony. She ended up third overall on the APHA youth Top Twenty. And she was top 5 in the 14-18 Horsemanship and 14-18 Western Pleasure in 2009 on a horse named Zipped.  Other achievements include being on the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

Hooray for Kate Upton, a genuine Equestrian Super Hero!

This is especially exciting for us here in Michigan because Kate Upton was born in St. Joseph, on the shores of Lake Michigan. This makes her Michigan’s most famous equestrienne.  We no longer claim Detroit native and horseback rider Madonna as one of ours, due to the fake British accent.

Actually, what I really wanted to do today was a derivative of the Hey Girl, using Kate Upton photos and plugging in Hey Boy with equestrian related references. It seemed simple enough, but I just couldn’t make it work. The lizard part of the male brain is its main feature and I simply couldn’t master the nuances of the double entendre and thinly veiled suggestions.  Besides, my equestrian vocabulary is still rather shallow and all I had to work with were words such as up, down, on, off, saddle, reins, bit and riding.  You can imagine how that was going. Unable to elevate the crude to the clever, it came off more like lyrics from an AC/DC song.  And I didn’t want to do that here.

Next time, it’s back on my horses.